I have put into writing all of my sentiments of the goings-on on my life for the past two years, and I could barely imagine what these had brought me to. I have written about my feelings and emotions–more often than not, about life, anger and guilt, bliss and love. For the first six months or so of my writing, I have shown series of disappointment, loneliness, and perhaps anger, over one person–and I am pretty much sure that Aby and JR know who this person really is.
I have tried to overcome the mixture of emotions through writing. I really did try. People come and go, accuse you of something you did not commit. And now, I think, for the last time, I should settle everything. I have grown tired of keeping myself about these issues. I had enough. I am sorry, JR and Aby. I know you have not read anything from me that would go as direct as this one. I had enough.
It was you, Aby, who taught me the value of persistency, of humility over things, and perhaps more. JR imparted in me assertiveness over things, of the use of force and diplomatic approach. For that, I would like to thank the both of you for sharing these values. Thank you for inculcating in me things I have never imagined someone would. Again, thanks.
I guess it would be, for our best interest–Aby’s, JR’s, and mine–to somehow tell you the whole story.
Miss Lei presented me in some sort of hazy yet brief way of her disappointment of “my” action of inviting Aby. I simply said that it was of JR’s volition to invite Aby. Yes. I mean, I have no right of inviting her–since I was not the host that night. The night was simply JR’s, and not mine.
Fine. We went straight to the point. She said she was actually planning of somehow repairing whatever was damaged. I don’t know. Most of the topics being discussed were quite done in a personal approach, and so I would not simply believe in these things.
What was it all about? Ok. According to Ms Lei, she had an hour and a half conversation over the phone with Mrs. Paule. She did not tell me, however, who called who (because answering that question will definitely shed light about it <Thanks, Aby, for asking me this question; it made me ponder as well>). Telling me these things clearly implied that the topic was about me, and by the mean of calling me made me think that it was against me. She said the said conversation they had with Mrs. Paule favored me. Ms Lei clearly said that she was really in favor of me, and that her daughter was, as well, had some positive feelings about me. All I could do is nod.
Aby and JR know the whole story of what happened during the Fourth year; JR though personal communications with me, while Aby visited my blogs often. I had the same positive feelings for the daughter (JR, don’t worry, I have said these to Aby long ago). I appeared as someone of the third party, not because I hear these from people, but because I can see it deeply engraved in Michelle’s eyes. It was her longing to see JM. I even remember when she invited me for a talk last February 25 (I am not sure anymore of the date), she, together with Jonnecca, used my cellphone, just to text JM. How’s that? (NO. Let me correct my statement. They used my cellphone for a dozen of times, on that same day, to text JM in front of me, with all their giggling and all).
I mean, fine. I appeared even as a some sort of condemned criminal of rupturing Vyera’s, Michelle’s, and JM’s friendship. Geez. Why should I do that to these guys? I strongly believe that friendships are more important than any uncertain feelings toward someone, and that is where I stand.
I decided to leave that kind of life, not because I wanted to surrender, but I wanted to see people smiling. JM and Michelle have each other’s company–only hindered by some pre-judged notions of…I don’t know. They both like each other, and still does. Their hearts and eyes proclaim that.
As for me, I did not leave these two lovers. You cannot destroy friendship, especially when it is bounded firmly on a strong ground. I felt there was a compelling need, however, of putting things aside. I have to get a life of my own.
As for “aesthetics”, truly Michelle is one of the most beautiful faces I have seen, and I am not ashamed to tell it–even to Aby. I still believed though, ever since I was young, that there is a greater measure of beauty. (After all, JR’s right. Physical beauty will fade away. All I know is that, kahit anu pa mangyari, sasabihin ni JR na cute siya.)
To answer whether we (me and Aby, that is) have a certain relationship…I am glad to say a YES, that we are FRIENDS. I am enjoying her company, and I hope she does…with me. 
